And what do the words “alpha male” even mean? Is it a good thing to have an alpha male mentality? And what is it about the alpha male personality that makes it so attractive and so worth cultivating? Because it can be cultivated. And you’re about to learn how even the most beta of beta males can cultivate 7 alpha male traits and transform his outlook and his life.
What is an alpha male?
The old definition of alpha male needs to die. The idea that an alpha male has to be perpetually ripped, rich, and surrounded by beautiful, swooning women is a disservice to both sexes. Yes, alpha males can be ripped — and rich. And it’s true that an alpha male is more attractive to women (in general) than a beta male. But it’s not about the chiseled chin, the six-pack, or the penthouse suite. Ultimately, what distinguishes an alpha male from a beta male is character.
The Alpha Male Myth
Ask random folks on the street what they think of when someone says the words, “alpha male,” and you’ll probably get answers like these: In the movie, Beauty and the Beast, the character Gaston was a stereotypical “alpha male.” He had the chin, the physique, the cushy pad, and the swooning village girls. He was also a cruel, arrogant, self-serving bully. Once you become familiar with the traits that distinguish an alpha male from a beta male, you’ll see Gaston (and others like him) as the beta male he truly is.
Alpha vs. Beta Male
Take the traits that make someone an alpha male and flip them to their counter-traits, and you have a working description of a beta male. Beta males can be muscley and rich, too. And they can be “super nice guys.” But betas only thrive (or seem to) when things are going their way. They’re only nice when people treat them the way they want to be treated. Put them to a test, though, and they show their real character. Betas don’t do well outside their protective packaging. The good news, though? Any beta male can become an alpha male by cultivating the following traits in himself. It takes daily work and the will to become the best possible version of himself. But it can be done.
7 Traits of an Alpha Male
By “work” I mean putting in the effort to cultivate the habits you need in order to live as an alpha male and to see everything from an alpha male perspective. The following traits might be helped along by certain aspects of the personality you’re born with. But making them habitual requires daily effort.
1. Alpha males are assertive.
Alpha males aren’t afraid to be clear and direct about their expectations. If, for example, someone is trying to take advantage of them, an alpha will take immediate, decisive action to protect their best interests — without trampling on someone else’s. An alpha male is capable of genuine kindness. But he’s not a doormat. In fact, his assertiveness is a leadership skill that makes others trust and respect him. The beta male, by contrast, will sigh and grumble and complain to anyone who will listen if he feels ill-used or taken advantage of. But he won’t take action to stop the abuse or to improve his situation. He won’t stand up for himself if it means displeasing those whose opinion of him matters more than his self-respect. He’ll just resent them quietly until they push him to the point where he blows up in their face over something minor. Passive aggression is so beta. But so is pointless, self-centered aggression.
2. Alpha males want real connections.
An alpha male seeks relationships with real connection. They’ll spend time around others just to enjoy their company and conversation, without any need for validation or to get into someone’s pants. Alpha male traits in bed reflect this. They respect themselves and the person with whom they’re intimate. They seek to anticipate the other’s needs and to ensure they enjoy the experience. If their partner wants to stop, the alpha male will stop out of respect for their boundaries. Beta men, on the other hand, seek validation in relationships. Every romantic encounter carries the potential for either conquest and ego enhancement or for defeat and humiliation. If it doesn’t go the way they want it to, the beta male feels cheated and emasculated. An alpha male values real connection over his own ego; a beta male will sacrifice connection and mutual respect at the altar of his ego.
3. Alpha males change or accept their circumstances.
If the alpha male’s life doesn’t match his vision, he’ll take action to lead it in that direction. While he doesn’t expect overnight change, he keeps his focus on the life he wants and keeps working to make it happen. If there’s something he can’t change, though, the alpha male will accept it without wasting time and energy on complaints. He pivots to find new opportunities. Betas, on the other hand, are more likely to complain and blame others for the fact that their life isn’t what they want it to be. They’ll focus on what others have done to slow them down or to cheat them of opportunities they might have had. Alpha males own their mistakes and take responsibility for their own lives. But if the beta male doesn’t accomplish his goals, he’ll blame anyone but himself. He’ll sulk and throw shade at others, making excuses for not being where he wants to be rather than taking action to get there. 50 Of The Best Hobbies Of All Time For Men 11 Top Signs You Are A Sigma Male Positive Affirmations For Men
4. Alpha males know what they want — and go after it.
The alpha male knows what he wants and takes action to get closer to it — until he has it. He has a clear plan of action and works diligently to make his goals become reality. He doesn’t complain or make excuses when he has setbacks. He has the confidence to find new ways to tackle roadblocks and doesn’t blame others when the going gets tough. Betas look to others for clues on what he should want. He wants so badly to be accepted and held up as an example to follow, he’ll subjugate his own goals and desires to someone else’s — just to earn their respect. He feels trapped by what he thinks (or knows) others expect of him. So, if his life doesn’t match what he wants for himself, he’s more likely to blame others for those expectations and for their meddling than to take responsibility for his own life and do something to change it. The beta guy constantly feels the need to prove himself to others, while the alpha male seeks only to make his efforts count for something meaningful to himself. Yes, he also cares about how his choices affect others. But he doesn’t let anyone else tell him what he should want or how to go about getting it.
5. Alpha males strive for excellence.
The alpha male does not accept mediocrity. He doesn’t settle for what other people think is good enough or the best he can hope for. He will always strive for excellence. In everything he does, the alpha male has higher expectations than most. He defines them for himself. He doesn’t let others tell him how far he should go or what his results should look like. He also has the confidence to believe he’s capable of reaching his goals. Betas, on the other hand, will only go so far in their pursuit of the life they’ve chosen to strive for. They’ll compare themselves to other men, and if the guys they hang with are content with a mediocre life, so are they. And when the going gets tough, they’re more likely to console themselves with escapism. They’ll justify their soul-sucking existence and lash out at anyone who isn’t satisfied with it. They’re more likely to blame alpha males for setting an “unrealistic standard” than to admit they’re not happy with their lives and take action to change them.
6. Alpha males face their demons and acknowledge their weaknesses.
Alpha males aren’t afraid to admit they have weaknesses. In fact, they’re perfectly comfortable admitting them and showing how they’re taking action to either address those weaknesses or to develop the strengths that compensate for them. Alpha males also face their inner demons. They recognize the stakes and prioritize self-discipline to keep those demons under their control. Beta males would rather pretend their weaknesses don’t exist. They fear admitting them would give others control over them. But in trying to hide them, they make those weaknesses all the more visible and self-defeating. The devil you ignore becomes your master. The beta man gives his weaknesses more power over him rather than taking action to diminish that power. And anyone who calls him out for a particular weakness is an enemy. And inner demons? Beta males would rather pretend they don’t exist. It’s so much easier, after all, to blame others or make excuses for their failures. So much harder to take responsibility, practice self-discipline, and take daily, consistent action to correct their mistakes.
7. Alpha males communicate with class and respect.
Decline an alpha male’s advances, and he’ll still respond with class. He doesn’t need for every woman to say yes to him in order to feel good about himself. In fact, he doesn’t need for any woman to say yes. So, when he gets a no, he can simply respect her decision and remain unaffected by it. Decline a beta male’s advances, and he’ll take it as a personal attack. The beta needs to feel wanted and accepted by others, because he hasn’t learned to accept himself. So, every no is a slap in the face and a reminder of what he already tells himself: “You’re not attractive enough.” And he’s much more likely to react by throwing a tantrum and making threats to the woman who rejected him — calling her names to punish her for the unforgivable insult of telling him, “No.”
Alpha Male Examples
Whatever the inciting event or native characteristic, becoming an alpha male is a matter of choice — not of happy accident. For centuries, some men have chosen to cultivate these traits — men who saw opportunity where others saw failure. They became alpha males not only among their own but for all time and for everyone. Here are a few notable examples — both real and fictional: Do you possess these alpha male traits? Ultimately, the traits that define an alpha male are not uniquely male characteristics. These are the traits that help him become the best version of himself. And they do the same for women. So, when you see alpha male characteristics in a guy, it helps to recognize that the same traits in a woman make her every bit as much of an alpha. And the same traits that define a beta male can also define a beta female. Why not just call them alphas and betas, since the sex doesn’t make one or the other more capable of growth and excellence? Character is what matters most.
