After the initial flush of enthusiasm, however, you notice that she seems abnormally clingy. Her behavior could quickly get to be worrisome and leave you wondering, “What makes a girl clingy?” Most of the time, the answer is emotional neediness. There’s no shortage of emotionally needy women in the world. Many men are emotionally needy too, but they tend to reveal it differently.
What Is a Needy Woman?
A needy woman regularly dumps her problems at your feet. She always has some drama that requires you to soothe her feelings, help her do something, or validate her actions. She can’t ever feel comfortable with herself or look to her inner judgment to guide her through daily life. Many sources of insecurity could be driving this behavior. Regardless of her precise motivation, a needy woman will monopolize your attention. She wants you to know her needs and take action to satisfy them. Some refer to this behavior as “high maintenance.” Unfortunately, your efforts to please her can never make her comfortable with herself or her relationship with you. She lives in fear that the status quo will disintegrate, and she will be left alone with no one to give her attention.
Why Are Women So Needy?
Please keep in mind that not all women are needy. All women and men need emotional support and validation sometimes, but they don’t center their lives around getting it from partners, relatives, and friends. On the most basic level, neediness stems from a woman feeling unsupported and unrecognized. A research study that surveyed 64 married couples found that self-critical women tended to be married to people who regularly complained about them. Needy women were also less likely to have much intimacy with their spouses. In the marital context, unsatisfying relationships left women feeling needy. However, if you’ve just met a woman and have begun to think that you’re dating a needy woman, you likely aren’t the cause. Past experiences left her damaged and in need of healing. If past bad experiences aren’t the cause of her neediness, she may not have developed self-reliance skills. She only knows how to look outward for emotional satisfaction and support. On the darker side, she may enjoy drama by performing as the ringleader of a circus that’s all about her. Some people derive pleasure from getting people to focus on them, and they work hard to stay in the spotlight not only with you but with friends and family.
21 Signs of a Needy Woman
How do you know when a girl is needy? Women exhibit many behaviors that advertise their neediness. Use the traits on the list below to see if you’re dealing with a needy girl. Then, you can decide if you want to put in the work of helping her adopt a healthier outlook or if you want to steer clear of her.
1. She’s Willing to Follow You Everywhere
Whatever she used to do before she met you has ceased to matter. When you said that you plan to go play disc golf with the guys, you didn’t expect her to be interested. But she is. Whatever you’re doing, she is planning on being there with you.
2. She Connects Her Self-Worth to Your Relationship
A needy woman can easily equate her relationship status with success or failure. Making her relationship with you something for others to envy could be a top priority. She wants to put pictures of the two of you on her social media. Maybe your couple photo becomes her profile image. Essentially, she doesn’t see any value in herself unless you are with her.
3. She Constantly Seeks Reassurance
It’s not enough that you like her and want to spend time with her. She needs to hear that you approve of her. She’ll ask if you like her outfit or enjoyed the dinner that she made. She’ll ask if her hair looks good or if she should return a pair of shoes that she just bought. The list goes on because she wants your feedback about everything. Even if you’ve already said something nice, she’ll ask you again because she needs positive feedback.
4. Her Anxiety Gets High When You Make Plans Without Her
Even people who love each other madly do things with other people sometimes, but she appears truly disturbed about what might happen if you engage in activities without her. As soon as you decide to meet co-workers after work, she wants to know why she was excluded. She may try to make you feel guilty for excluding her.
5. She’s Always Trying to Take Control
One way to keep attention on oneself is to tell others what to do. She has made perfect plans and needs you to follow her itinerary. She’ll insist that you should do what she says because it means so much to her. You should value all of the efforts that she has put into planning your day together. When you make your own decisions about things, she’ll question your reasoning and insert her own ideas.
6. She Shares Too Much Too Fast
Moving forward too quickly is a classic sign of an overly needy woman when she begins a relationship. During the getting to know each other phase of dating, she reveals many personal details and expresses hope for a long future of happiness with you. Her oversharing strategy can serve as a way to artificially create intimacy because you now know so much about her, even if you weren’t ready to.
7. She Asks Your Opinion About Everything
A needy woman wants very much to avoid doing something that you disapprove of. Even if you can’t muster an opinion about what color pants she should buy, she’ll still badger you for an answer.
8. She Always Wants Others to Solve Her Problems
This trait will not be limited to just you. She’ll pull anyone that she can into her daily problems. She’s always looking for a savior because she doesn’t know how to take responsibility for her life.
9. She’s Indecisive
Decision making troubles her because she can’t base decisions on just what she wants. She needs to ensure that she’s not making a choice that will upset someone whose opinion matters to her.
10. She Never Wants to be Alone
Needy people might feel something akin to panic when left alone. She equates being alone with being a failure.
11. She Tries Hard to be the Center of Attention
She feels uncomfortable when attention isn’t on her but other people. In her mind, if she’s not attracting attention to her opinions, needs, and wants, then others are robbing her of validation and happiness.
12. She Is Jealous When You Speak to Other Women
Her emotional neediness and insecurity make the stakes high for her relationship with you. Seeing you speak to another woman ignites her insecurities and fear of losing you. Controlling Men: Empowering Advice For Women Involved With Bullies 19 Unambiguous Signs She Wants A Serious Relationship With You 11 Top Signs You Are A Sigma Male
13. She Ignores Your Boundaries
She cannot take no for an answer when you want to be alone or do something without her. Her need for company blinds her to your normal desire for privacy or personal downtime. Her boundary-crossing happens because your absence makes her feel isolated and not valued.
14. She Cannot Handle Criticism
No one likes criticism, but most people can gracefully handle some negative feedback. However, for a needy woman, any statements that aren’t 100% positive trigger an out of proportion reaction that exceeds an average level of sensitivity.
15. She’s Not Good at Giving
She goes beyond tossing your feelings and needs in the backseat. She leaves them on the side of the road. Although she may be a good person, she lacks the emotional bandwidth to give you support. Her chronic insecurity robs her of the energy to focus on anything except herself.
16. She Insists on Constant Communication
You’ll see this illustrated in a constant flow of phone calls, text messages, and in-person conversations. She needs to know where you are and when she will see you again. Being left in the dark about your whereabouts for even small amounts of time lets her imagination run wild with fears of betrayal or abandonment.
17. She’s Physically Clingy
Most people like to snuggle, hold hands, hug, and kiss, but she doesn’t ever let go. The clinginess becomes most apparent in social situations. She may hope to show the world how much that you love her. This is also a protective behavior to keep others away from you.
18. Her Happiness Relies on Your Relationship
The needy woman may talk to you about how happy you make her. This is nice, but when it seems to be the only thing that makes her happy, the pressure on you can be substantial. Your bad day could put her in a bad mood because she worries that you’re upset with her.
19. She Expresses Fear About You Leaving Her
At the slightest sign of your dissatisfaction, she will immediately try to control the damage. She’ll say that she’s afraid you’ll leave her. She might make this statement without much provocation. You might have been annoyed about something trivial, but she interprets it as a signal that you’ll dump her.
20. She Tolerates Disrespect
The demands for attention and validation coming from a needy woman can start to feel oppressive. You might react by being unkind or curt because you hope she might get a clue and give you some space. But it doesn’t work. Even if you’re disrespectful, she remains at your side. Overall, needy women are vulnerable to staying in relationships with people who disrespect or emotionally abuse them.
21. She Complains About Everything
Her general unhappiness with her emotional state comes out in almost everything that she says. Her complaints can go far beyond relationship issues. She’s not happy with much in this world because most things fail to revolve around what she wants.
Understand When Needy Is Too Needy
Although everyone has needs, needy people can be exhausting. They go way beyond occasional requests for help or reassurance. Fear of loss and a low sense of self-worth compel needy women to act in ways that can place unreasonable pressure on the people in their lives. Before deciding that someone’s neediness is too much for you to cope with, reflect on how you’re defining neediness. An article at Psychology Today pointed out that society teaches men to value self-reliance over asking for help. Women, however, receive the societal message that they can ask for help. Don’t mistake normal expressions of emotional need for unhealthy neediness just because she shows it more than you would. Just because a woman expresses a need doesn’t mean that you’re failing. It may just be information that you can act on and move forward with a satisfying relationship.
